Do you know that spot, between half awake and half asleep, where things just seem real but really aren't?

Well that is where I found myself this morning at about 6 am. Something in the valley was burning and I could smell it... it triggered a memory of Japan so vivid... and the morning was grey with clouds, so like Misawa that I nearly thought I was waking up there. In that hazy moment between being awak and being asleep I could smell the rice paddies burning... it is a smell I remember well from this time of year. I must say I actually like that smell. Laying in bed this morning I thought for sure I was still in Japan... that is until I fully openned my eyes and had a look at my surroundings.

It was like my mind rushed to the present and suddenly I realized I was just here, not in Japan. It was at that moment I realized how unlike "home" things feel for me here. Despite trying to adjust I'm still in limbo. I'm surprised how vivid a memory the smell of the fire triggered and just how homesick I felt for it! Odd and yet to me, not odd.

So the day itself was fine. I finished the design work for my daughters birthday invitations and took the kids out to the fire station where sweet Zee hooked us up with a great tour. The kids enjoyed coloring in the books she gave them and playing "fire escape" in the afternoon.

For the most part I think today was fairly normal from all standpoints, except from that feeling I had in the morning... it lingers a bit too. But I can't complain. It is good to miss something you loved.

:) until the next post, keep on!

Torn.

I really dislike that feeling. But I feel torn often. Torn between doing one thing that I NEED to do v.s. something I'd like to do. Torn between spending time with my kids v.s. spending time working. Torn between wanting to work and wanting to be a mother.

It is hard to keep a good balance on it all. Somehow I manage to finish my work before or at least by my deadlines and maintain a decent home and family life. But I wish for more hours in a day constantly and a wish I could sleep less! (But I know better)

I can't say that I don't love my life as it is because there is very little to complain about... well okay I don't like where we live so much but honestly aside from that things aren't that bad. I'm fortunate that I can stay home with my kids and spend the necessary time with them.

So, I'm going to go put my feet in a hot bath and relax a little and reflect!